Antonia

I met a boy. He's Gorgeous. He plays Ticky with me. He calls me sometimes. We hang out sometimes. He's Gorgeous.

He came to the party that we had. We sang Karaoke. We slow danced. We played Strip Poker. He got naked. We played spin the bottle. We made out. We did more than make out. We didn't have sex.

I saw him tonight. Things weren't wierd. Things weren't what I wanted. Things rarely are. Sometimes I get lucky. Sometimes things go according to plan. He didn't call back yesterday. That wasn't the plan.

We don't really have conversations. I don't really want to. I just want to look at him. I want him to look at me. I want him to get that feeling. I want him to want me.

This is not about love. I am not in love.

I got a huge pimple on my face. I only get acne once a month but I make them count. This one was huge. One of those under-the-skin ones that hurt like a bitch. Well, he wasn't ready, but i popped him anyway. DIE.


Long Story Short: I have a huge red mark on my fucking chin.

I'm officially addicted to Arizona green tea in a can. you can't beat it. It's phenominal.

I thought it was "walk around with your whore down." That would be cool whatever it means.

It's "...horns down"

I'm waiting for Alex to come over. I really want to go to that place with the fries and the dirty martini's. Delish. Plus the bartender was super-fly. Let me in your arms to feel the beating of your heart, baby.
The only problem is i don't think anyone has any money and we don't know where it is. We thinks it's down on Spring but maybe not on Spring, around Spring. I don't know if we're going though. We shall see.

I just got out of photo and i smell like the chemicals and my hands are dry. Muy uncomfortable.

I have one of those teachers this semester who's totally into teaching and shit. I FUCKING HATE HER. Uh huh that's right. I HATE this woman. She's Puerto Rican, and proud of it She tried to turn my Joannides into Juannides and i said to her, "Um, it's not a spanish name" (inner thought: you whore) She doesn't have any handouts, she sends emails and posts everything on 'Blackboard' I HATE HER. There's this woman in my class too, whos like 40 something with kids who's back in school for whatever fucking reason. And she is like the fucking whore from womens league who became the 'new star goalie' from fucking Reuters who sent out the BENI-SUPA-STAR emails. DIE.

you owe me and IOU you bitch

oh my god, ok here is what she did to me yesterday i thought i was going to cry. IT's 9 am first class is her class. Let's call her Pr. Mercado. The class is 1 hr and 50 min long But Pr. mercado doesn't find it to be an adequate amount of time to go over everything that she wants to go through because we only meet once a week. SO, her brilliant fucking idea is to take over the next class, because they are both teaching classes they are like, linked. Like, the two classes have the same people just a different teacher. Pr. Mercado teaches literacy, and Pr. Tagaris the second teacher teaches S.S. LOVE HER. She's the coloring class lady. LOVE her. So Pr. Mercado asks Irene if she could have her class time next week so we'd have to be with her for 4 HOURS DIE. Irene gives in and gives it to her thinking she'll get us for the 4 hrs. the following week. That's cool with me HOWEVER, as i was studying the syllabus i notice that there is no class the following week and then following the following week Tuesday follows a monday schedual. She said whoa, and that she's NOT cool with that and is not going to put us all through hell next week.

Long Story Short: I FUCKING HATE HER

I fucking love this song though and Kevin Bacon with lazer beams. Totally hot. Ok i'm done, I don't want to talk about anything else and i don't want to continue to waist your time reading it. PEACE YO



He's going to be crowned, in his head, king of an imaginary African nation! How many of us poor devils will ever get to realize and achieve that lofty a goal in out lives?

As im waiting here i realize that i'm waisting a perfectly good high and should make myself useful while i'm waiting. I'm here for your pleasure, your reading pleasure that is.

Reading is FUNdamental

Just dish out the $1.25 and get something on that shit
i can't

please tell me that your alright

Now that i'm by myself alot more i get really excited thinking about all the music that i could listen too now that no one else is here to keep me from listening to my songs. So as i go through the playlist i start playing songs that only i like and it's just not the same. I wish someone was here to keep me from not listening to it. I guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm lonely.

Fuck that

I enjoy sleeping by myslef don't crowd me

Don't censor me

Don't judge me

Just love me

Ha where did that come from? Definitly from my ass.

C'mon mollie where you at

she's at home, i'm going to meet her soon and we're going to go to union square and meet up with some guy to sell her some shrubbery.

I'm question mark and i'm wondering...If you could spend the day with jesus what would you do. Like in today's world. Would you take him to class with you and show him off to your friends. Would you go to the movies and make out? Would you spit on people from out your window?

Whoa, once again what where did that come from? That's like the best question ever. What would i do with Jesus. Yo i'm really curious now to her how your day would go if jesus WAS your homeboy!

If it wasn't for my addiction to cigarettes, i would have just missed one of the more entertaining moments of my life.

Kahn is the indian guy who runs the bodega around the corner. I became friendly with him and his coworker Babu since i moved into the building. I never though that one day Kahn would be my third boyfriend. He asked me if i had a boyfriend and what was i supposed to say? No? No way, i'd did what any self respecting person would. I told him i had 2. He really didn't seem to mind and volunteered himself to be boyfriend number 3. I said i'd think about it but he's going to have to start giving me some free shit if he wants the relationship to work. Free cigarettes candy and vitamin water will definitly help me out financially. Long story short and censored, i got free cigarettes and a snazy new lighter and i aparently made a deal with Kahn that he'd be lucky number 3. He kept shaking my hand and slapping me really hard on the back asking me if we had a deal. mollie thinks i'm going to have to start giving him blowjobs. I think i'd puke 1000 pukes before i'd even be able to fathom such a disgusting act. Poopie you know my feelings on Indian people. I think that when the time comes and i tell him that i can't do such a thing, i'm going to loose my hand becuase he's going to cut it off like they do in india when you get caught stealing. like Aladdin almost did no wait. That was jasmin who almost lost her hand. Stupid bitch. Ok well, for now i'm just going to look on the brightside. I have 3 boyfriends, free cigarettes, and both my hands. I'd say i'm on top of the world.

This is a world where everybody's gotta do something. Somebody laid down this rule where you gotta do something, you've gotta be something. Sometimes i just get tired of thinking of all the things i don't want to be, all the places i don't want to go...


like India.

the VMA sucked balls puffy or p. diddy or diddy or whatever the fuck he's going by these days can suck it.

I just pulled hair out of my face with a warm liquid substance, i have some sick new love for doing that.

i made my tea too dark and it's really hot

you want apologies, girl you might hold your breath until your breathing stops forever
the only thing you'll get is this curse on your lips, i hope they taste of me forever

i'm waiting for mollie to come back with the good stuff so that i can leave poopie a message of the Lorax rap

i've got like 40 new movies that i can't wait to watch

yes she's here
i told her it was hot outside

if you smoke and you're jewish this is what you will sound like, there's a bald guy in my yard

"don't you hate people?"
"No, but i seem to feel better when they're not around."

jesus...

jesus won't help

please pick a color for your checklist

what ok peace yo

She was bad, that type at the club niggaz would grab her fantasize when i had her, in the bathroom sweating with her ass up. The body of a dancer, we had chemistry cause she was a cancer. Thought forever it would last for, but forever moves faster, so i had to go. Still i gotta pause when i think about her in them draws and ooh baby she liked it raw and like rain when she came it poured and like a car that i can't afford i would want it then want some more. The positions our frames explored let me know she was secure back for more i want to go.

Freaky like the daughter of a pastor, said i was bait for her to master. Little red corvette, nah, she was faster, wet dreams Le'maire cream the bathroom. We made love and then laughter, and anyway i wanted i could have her. Said there was some girls that did attract her, a new chapter she was after so i said let's go to a place that you want to be, get what you want from her and me, free love i want to see hot sex in the third degree. You getting served while serving me, dirty words encourage me to rock steady and sturdily on, you turning me no turning backt the further we go.


That's all that i dream that i could ever be. I want to be the fantasy, the dirty fantasy. Yeah yo.

I have a final tomorrow morning. I've been trying to study all day, except for the hours of 5 and 9 because i got too high and fell asleep. But i made flashcards and everything. Honestly, i don't see much of a point to them. It's just writing the same information you have somewhere else, on another piece of paper. A smaller piece of paper, an expensive piece of paper, yes but you see now i can easily flip through my information and absorb each piece individually enhancing the learning process. Ok, sounds good to me. So i'm very excited because i realized that the wire that extends out of my keyboard is quite long and now i can type in a comfortable position. The mouse also extends to my area and it's a super mouse with the red light instead of the ball so i don't even need a mouse pad, i just slide it around on the cusion and i'm crusing the net without having to move. The only problem i found is that is why i fell asleep, i got too comfortable. Damn you long wires! well anyway, i can't seem to bring myself to continue studying. I sort of know the flashcards so i'm not too worried but i don't know the essay, It's on the market revolution and whether or not it was indeed a revolution. Shouldn't they have asked this question before they decided to name it the market revolution, i mean i'm not the most qualified person to argue this.
A+ to my poopie introducing me to my new heroes from gym class. They are definitly excellente and they kept me entertained all day. Thanks yo
I lost my earing at dave's house the other day. Well actually it doesn't seem to be at daves house since i called up his mom and asked her to look for it in the couch. She said she found 50 cents though. It took every ounce of my strength to not ask her if they were quarters cause if they were i knew that i'd be mad that i didn't realize i lost my earing earlier so that i could look in the couch and find those 2 quarters. Oh no! what if they were my quarters that fell out of my pocket, now i'm pissed. I think this obsession with quarters might lead to a bitter end.
Last weekend at work, i was reminded of when i was in middle school, or was it elementary school? no i'm going to guess middle school, when i had a 'stop watch phase'. THat's what i called it when i told Bill that the place where he wants to put the new store is 6 minutes away from my house because it's 6 minutes to Mr. Pepi's house from my house. I know this because i indeed had a stop watch phase where i would time how long it took to do things so that from then on i could time everything i needed to do perfectly. i remember i used to try to time how long i would sleep for but i gave that up when i realized it was indeed impossible to start the stop watch at the very moment i fall asleep. Well that's it. i just thought it was funny, thought you'd enjoy reading about how i became the person i am today.
I got a pimple under my beauty mark. I didn't think that was possible. it was wierd but i put some toothpaste on it and it got really dry and before when i was washing my face i dried my face and saw it was starting to peal so i scratched the dead skin off and my beauty mark came with it and now it's a light brown spot on my face. My beauty is slowly drying up and scratching off. How scary is that.
I'm going to Greece on friday for like 6 weeks. i have to go by myslef, not really looking forward to that but looking forward to being there. I hate traveling, i hate the smell of airports i hate never knowing why i'm beeping when i go through the metal detector. I hate having to take my shoes and belt of. I hate watching the saftey video on the plane if the plane is going to crash, we are all going to die, i'm sorry but if the plane crashes into the ocean it's not going to be floating on the surface and we aren't going to get into any inflatable boat. We're going to die on impact. I hate airplane food and the smell of the pillows and blankets. I hate having to spray saline up my nose so that i don't get sick. i hate how on international flights they have to say everything twice in both languages. i hate how i'm not a member of the mile high club. i do like it though when i see all the yiayia's on the plane doing their cross and saying their prayers for the plane. I don't believe in it but because they do and it makes them feel better to do it they i feel better. Sometimes thought, every once in a while, i think to myself, you fools, God won't save you.
I'm usually very optomistic and easy spirited but american history always made me cynical.
alright i'm not going to study so i'm going to sleep maybe i'll wake up early since i got a few hours in this afternoon.
poopie, send me your email yo tones3010@yahoo.com get it done
ps. this is what part of the alphabet would look like if q and r were elimintated.

i don't know how this one is going to turn out. I'm feeling a lot of pressure from the outside. not the physical outside but the metaphorical outside.

and now some words from the late Elliot Smith

a moment of silence

"i was feeling insecure
you might not love me anymore
i was shivering inside
i was shivering inside
becasue i stabbed myself with a fork"

thank you Mr. Smith



Let's see what is next

oohh Alien Ant Farm
what can we say about them
way under-rated

"you never were one to use caution and your gonna pay, you know i'd love to see it happen"

Happy Death day to you baby


hey, she traps a velvet moth between her harmless hands, then builds and atrium to perch on her nightstand, she lays to watch it fly attracted toward the light, she's all mine.

ppsst. it's a metaphor run with it.

so what else could i say that would be at all interesting for anyone to hear? Something about me perhaps, i had 12 cigarettes so far today, i'll probably have at least another. i know this because tyler knows this. well no i know this because i started marking it down on my hand. the way that mollie does. the blue lines are for cigarettes and the red lines are for cigarettes with my special ingredient. there are 3 red lines.
that isn't interesting

i'm going to make a cd with only songs that include hand clapping.
Inspiration: the whoo cd
so if you come across any songs with the sweet sounds of the clapping feel free to let me know.

you know my thighs have been involved in many accidents and i can't get insured and i don't need to be lured by you.
lesbians can make some good music too. Don't judge those who are not like you, or you know if that's your thing that's cool, thanks for the angry music.

Gentlemen, BEHOLD Corn


excellent

some poetry:
(cough, cough)
don't laugh in my face,
don't laugh at my face
if you're going to laugh
do it when i'm not looking
that way i won't know

Don't laugh loud
i don't want to hear it and think
"what are you laughing at?
i hope it's not me"
don't laugh now,
i'm still right here

laugh later,
laugh quite,
and laugh alone


BITCHES

I just wrote the best thing ever and i closed it out instead of minimizing how degrading. maybe some other time.

Does that dress fit alright ?

You can tell me are you a slut ? i think you are ...


i waited for an hour and a half for beyonce. Why can't she just be on time i didn't even want to really go. fucking beyonce


i want to know why it falls off and on


i really need molly to get here. why isn't she here yet ? c'mon molly mama needs to smoke

the cookie stand is not part of the food court

of coarse it is

the food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs we're not talking quatum physics here

the cookie stand counts as an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court

bullshit, anything that operates inside the designated area downstairs is considered part of the food court everything else is considered an autonomous unit for mid mall snacking


quality

you taste like candy

i guess i don't really have much to say just thought i'd let you in on what i've been thinking about and once again it all comes back to cookies.
i wish i had cookies
i wish i had money for cookies


oohh smarties
they're a little melty but damn are they exquisite

they know what you do in the dark

i wipe the blood from her hands
i fix her hair and kiss her chest
the secrets gone in here breath

i never meant to hurt you

the apartment is such a mess there aren't really any lights on i feel like it isn't so messy when i can't see. the light in the closet went out it's a good thing. i'll change it one day.
laziness is a quality that you should not be ashamed of
embrace it call it your own and then your time for work will come and you'll be ok with it because you are now at peace with yourself.

i wish i could pick the people i'd want to live in the world


wait... that would make me Hitler.

quality

you don't need to know
there are somethings that we don't need to share
but you insist on prying
you insist on making me sad
but now i'm here
to tell you again
that you don't need to know
and i think it's time
you finally realize
that you're killing me
and i'm trying so hard
for you
to keep you here
to keep you

is it selfish
no, i don't think so
you know what you do
you know what i like
and you won't give it to me
now you're selfish
and i'm the one here
but it doesn't matter
and i don't think it makes a difference anymore

i like individual thoughts

The meaning of life.... a question that has baffled humans from the begining of existence. Jesus has the answer. The answer is not for everyone so if you feel like you are not ready for this information please stop now and go away. Do not continue reading go have some chicken or something.





We are all math equations. All you simply need to do is figure out the formula and plug in the situation. it's the same outcome in the end but everyone is just has different variables.


Life is predetermined yet you have the choice of determining your own predestined destiny. Every choice you have always have options but every choice you make put's you in the same predetermined destiny.



It's like climbing your family tree backwards



There is no such thing as love. Love is hope. Love is for people who have hope in there lives but in the end you always end up alone. You are just hopeful that is why you need love in your life it's just soemthing else to give meaning to your life.


I think therefore i am.



I'm so sick of Christians and Religious people. You are all sinners.



I know a god. He's god he has nothing wrong with him. Girls make up a song about him and he's an asshole. His name is Timmy. Nobody saw that coming.



And all those people saving themselves, don't even get me started on them. Virgins, ha they are all pussies. They are saving themselves so that somebody can roll on top of them and they can have the worst sexual experience of their lives.



You know i'm not a quitter yet i'm not a started.



I AM OHM THEREFORE YOU MUST OBEY


Born again virgins though, they're keepers. There's saving themselves for something BIG



THE DIGITAL WORLD
We're in it that's all i got to say. We are on the in of the digital world.



McDonalds
They are going to take over the world. They are trying to replace me.


Just don't fuck with my eucalyptus leaves.


Ask me your questions i just want to educate that is my main goal.



You are my conduit, a means of chanelling my words to the public.


In my new world where i am ruler shanking and shaging are daily rituals.



TIALIST- the belief that tia will bring one to a higher understanding and acceptance of life while providing scrumptious meals daily, and providing blood from the virgin of the sea.


Homosexuality is an excepted form.


I'm still working on time travel that is something i'll never figure out though. If you went into the past there would be nothing. it's something i need to figure out and i've deamed it impossible and until someone can prove me wrong, which they can't because i'm jesus. if anyone is going to invent time travel it's me.


wtf?
exactly

hold on yo let me roll this cigarette and i'll be right with you... i decided to put a little something in it so maybe i'll be funny or confusing either way we ought to have a lot of fun. unlike yiayia and mine's evening. we did watch jeopardy together. i did quite well in fact i even got final jeopardy right, that's an achievement far greater than that of governing our great nation. it's fucking snowing outside. i was just assigned to the position of calling poopie in a half hour to wake her ass up. i will succeed in this mission the force is with me. why is r.kelly on the tv rapping about cars and things why isn't he in jail getting pissed on? hold on i can't stand it it must be turned off now
http://community.webshots.com/user/nia731 i'm not the black one that's tia. here are some pictures of me and my friends tia and alexander on our night of debauchery. infact tia just looked up how to spell that for me cause i was stumped. tia likes the napoleon story that i wrote for you poopie in one of your entries, she's retyping it into her away message cause she's trying to be funny. anyway justin- i saw one of your interests were breasts so i wanted you to see what i was working with. ok i'm done goodnight actually i think i failed my mission what time is it?

so i was just doing my math homework like a good little girl and i came across a problem where they give you phrases to fill in for different vaiables and for this question the answer is: If he trains ponies, then they don't raise monkeys. And you wonder why i like math, it's the best! aight yo peace one.

All these people drinking lovers spit, they sit around and clean their face with it...All these people drinking lovers spit, swallowing words while giving head. c'mon now what is better then that. A really good, sweet, beautiful song about jiz. mmmm mmmm good. Hey poopie i'm question mark and i'm wondering why the fuck am i writing this stupid thing for when nobody reads it except you, can't we just talk on the telephone instead. i'm much funnier in person. c'mon now yo help a brother out. i think i'm going to retire kevin bacon from the land of live journals, we're going to go to kosherland instead. It's a much happier place where the bagels and gelfilte fish never end. And so i will bid thee adieu until we meet again in the far of land of that which is Kosher.

ok i don't really have anything to say i'm just in a good mood and i just got home and i checked my email and i got an email from child molester brian to do this thing to determine my new name. It requires taking the 3rd letter from your first name and the second and fourth letters of your last name and they give you a new name. My new name is tootie bubblechunks. and there it is i now have a stage name super terrific and awesome.
peace one

So i'm trying to stay awake until 11 so that i can watch most extreme challenge on spike tv. It's easily the best show ever next to i love the 80's i mean c'mon who doesn't love the 80's they were quite a joyous period: Bow, rondule, rondule,(i don't spell french) push the clouds, push the clouds, jazz hands yeah!
mmm, you taste good.
alright poopie i'm not going to be able to get much better than that right now maybe i'll go smoke and come back later
but hey i just want you to know that if i met you in a scissor fight i'd cut of both your wings on principle alone, not for any other reason just don't ever forget that. I love you i'll call you tomorrow. Peace 1 hey if you talk to papa neuman tell him not to make any plans this weekend because the mini is mine! muahahaha.

yo do me a favor and tell your mom that she's no Sharon Stone. mmmkk thanks a lot. So for some reason i have a nice little collection of functional ceramic animals. Mom gave me a monkey that's a pencil holder and Cdog hooked it up with a turtle ashtray. the two of them sit and reminisce together under the heat of the lamp with a feathery lamp shade. At the moment they are self confident because legolas is staring at them intensely with his bow in hand ready to attack. The head on the pole across the street likes to watch as i dance in my leg warmers to the sweet sounds of prince telling me about this great time he had the other night with nikki, she's a slut. oh well.
Pack up, i'm straight, i'm not oh say say say HEY you stupid peace of shit they don't love you like i love you those pesky maps.
Yo check out that little star shake
Do you get it yet?
I wanna stay inside, i wanna stay inside for good.
now even though the song is really about wanting to stay inside, how good does it sound to have Brandon singing to you that he want's to stay inside. Well i'll tell ya, it feels Terrific!
well alright i'm going to go answer to the call of my munchies peace 1 Now if you'll excuse me, i'm going to hell

WHOOOO HOOOOOO
Lauren's Birthday PARRRTY we are gonna get fucked up and there will be punk rock and DANCEOFF 2004